"CERN Destroys Planet Earth" may be the news plastered all over the front pages of the newspapers on Mars, Venus and possibly the moon (if it's not destroyed too) come at 8:31am BST this morning.

If you've not been listening to the news, you'll have missed the news that CERN will be attempting to recreate the big bang, on a smaller scale, at 8:30am BST / 9:30am CEST when they flip the switch on the £5bn machine that is designed to smash particles together with cataclysmic force.

Now there are several possible outcomes:

  1. BANG!!!! (Note, it's a big one)
  2. "Oh Feck!!!! A black hole, and it's sucking me iiiiinnnnnnnnn.......".
  3. "Is that all? Now look at the mess I have to clean up".
  4. "Oops. I think we may have miscalculated something".
  5. "Wooohoooo!!!! Now we have scientific carnage to sift through to see if we can find anything we don't already know".
  6. "Do it again. I forgot to press record on the camcorder."

I'm hoping for options 3 - 6. I'm still working on making my first million and I'm quite some way off.

Hey, this may be the very last blog post I ever write too...

Update: Well, it's 9:10am BST now and I'm still here. So it's either a slow moving black hole or options 3 - 6 have occurred.

Update: I've just learnt that CERN aren't actually doing any testing today. All they did was turn the switch on and will now start to test getting the particles moving in one direction, and then the other and only then will they start colliding. It's like buying a microwave, plugging it in, turning the switch on and opening the door to make sure the light comes on. How disappointed am I?